Monday, June 27, 2011
I Aspire to Nothing
I'm at a point in my life where I can see my future in all its glory, but unafraid of it because I'm still safe knowing I still have time to relax while at school. (Also what makes my life 100x better is knowing now that the university I want to go to doesn't need to know the score I got for my ATAR[finals]) I went to a university expo with a friend on Saturday in the city. I wasn't really overly excited because we've beento these at school, and I can never find a university that I'm satisfied with. But I've realised that at the school things, they only offer the major universities in the area - so like Sydney uni, UTS, NSWU and so on. But, like it was meant to be, the first booth I saw was the New York Film Academy. I think I'm in love. I'd be studying film production for two years on the sunshine coast in Australia (where they're now setting up a campus) and I'd be able to write and produce (and star) in 8 of my own short films. EIGHT! It's amazing :)
But then I look back and see all those friends I'd be leaving behind and all my friends I see who have no dream, what-so-ever. They're fine just cruising through school until they finish. I don't know how they can stand it. My biggest fear is my future, and I've made up for that by always having a plan, even if it changes all the time. Before film I wanted to be a biochemist or a geneticist and before that I wanted to be a writer. I've always had dreams, big dreams, and no matter how hard or outlandish they may seem, no matter the annoying looks people give me that say, "poor girl, she doesn't know what she's getting into" I've always pushed it and kept up with my plans. But I've met others that don't think that way, and I just can't understand. But maybe that's just me.
My friend told me once that she also had wanted to be an actor, but she thought that she was too fat. Firstly I thought how could she think like that? Either she didn't want it enough or she didn't have the will power to lose it. Secondly I though, if she thinks she's too fat to be an actor, what does she think of me when I'm probably her size or more. But it makes me kind of sad. I have other friends who just don't know what they want to do in life, including my sister.
I'm never sure of what my life's going to turn out like, and if I could ask the world anything, it'd be to know if I'm going to get to where I want to be. But since I know I won't get that, all I have is God and knowing that I'll push through no matter how hard it gets.
I'm excited and scared for life, but how about you? Have you given up or do you still have your dreams?